the hermit stage has reached breaking point. i think i have a tendency of neglecting friends and family when i'm downright stressed. i really shouldn't be.

i think i have learned many lessons in the past few weeks. lessons about people, life, love, even. perhaps even about friends. career worries have been eating at me most of all. it still amazes me how my thoughts can become reality. how one minute i can be completely and utterly paranoid and the next, my paranoia will have manifested itself before me. a sad email. a hurtful word. it broke me down to tears -- the drama queen that i am.

were it not for sway, for vic, for the people who make me realize that life is worth it... thank you. thank you sete, bu, chinoise. thank you mum, dad, sha. thank you girlfriend, thank you fanny, thank you oh and amy.

perhaps one of the warmest moments that turned me to fudge was seeing my sister and my mother smile at him so genuinely. to welcome him as if he is worthy. perhaps he is worthy...

and perhaps one of the most beautiful moments was when he sat across the table in that dimly lit place. he clasped both hands and, tilting his arms, rested his cheek on the side of one arm. "don't be concerned," he said quietly, soothingly, with a hint of a smile on his lips. i glanced away, trying not to let the moment wash me to that torrent sea. and yet there are times when i'd find myself smiling, thinking about how he'd marvel at the food and exclaim in that soft way of his how awesome everything looked.

perhaps it's tosca carrying me away. perhaps it's his refinery. or his ipod (which is playing right now). perhaps it's his mannerisms and his intellect. whatever it is, i'm swept. off my feet. and placed onto this gently swaying boat. stable and secure. gliding over calm waters. lazing through a quiet breeze.

whatever it is. whatever it is.